You’re going through a painful breakup and you want to know how to get over a breakup fast. Understandable! breakups are one of the stickiest parts of being a human being, but they can also be incredibly transformative. On the other side of all this discomfort is growth and we want to help you get there faster.
This post is all about how to get over a breakup fast in 5 easy steps.
How to Get Over a Breakup in 5 Steps
Follow these five steps for 30 days and you will feel drastically different and may even be fully over the relationship! The catch? you need to be truly committed to every step.
Step one: Let it all out
Whatever emotion you’re feeling whether it be rage, confusion, or sadness (and you’re probably feeling all three!) needs to come out. Grab a journal or open a blank document on your computer and free-write every single thought and emotion that pops up until you feel some relief.
The key here is to not edit what you’re saying but to word-dump everything onto the page in real-time (yes even the thought you pretend you’re not thinking). This allows you to get everything out and move through the emotions rather than holding them in. If you have the time allow yourself to write for as long as you need to and do this every single morning for the duration of the 30 days.
Step two: detox from your ex
It’s time to mute or block your ex on all social media, stop listening to that favorite song you both shared… and that sweater of theirs you’ve been holding on to? donate it! We want to remove any reminder of your ex from the picture. Getting stuck in an endless loop of thinking about them and feeling sad is only going to make you feel worse and prolong your healing. Even if you believe you can both be friends you need to take some space before that can ever happen.
If you’ve ever been to therapy you have likely heard of thought work where you find neutral or positive thoughts to replace your negative ones. We are going to do the same thing and replace reminders of your ex with something more conducive to you getting over them.
If you find yourself wanting to text your ex about something text it to a supportive friend instead. If you want to listen to a song that reminds you of them, put on a breakup anthem! (read: ANYTHING by Lizzo, her lyrics are truly healing).
step three: surround yourself with love
This step might be a bit cliche but it works! It’s easy to feel unlovable when you’re going through a breakup and surrounding yourself with people who love you can counteract that. HOWEVER, you need to spend time with people who actually love you and not the people you call anytime you want a drink or a night out.
Connecting with party friends or people who you don’t actually vibe with may feel good in that moment but will only leave you feeling lonelier in the morning. Who are those inner circle people you can truly rely on? the ones who will give you a giant bear hug and a tub full of ice cream? The friend that is always there for you no matter how much time has passed or the distance between you? now is the time to call them.
step four: practice gratitude
While this may sound a little woo-woo, and it kind of is, it is scientifically proven that what we focus on becomes our reality and we have the power to change our life by changing our brains (hello neuroplasticity!).
If you’re looping negative thoughts and focusing on what is going wrong then you are going to produce more of what you don’t want. If you can bring yourself to focus on at least one thing you’re grateful for each day, one thing that is bringing you joy then you are training your brain to want to create more of it. Carve out some time in either your morning or evening routine and make a list of things you’re grateful for, if you can only get one thing on the page that’s okay. As you start to feel better your gratitude list will grow, it can also serve as a reminder of the joy in your life when you’re feeling low.
step five: date yourself
This is the fun step! You need to fill your own cup, the key to finding love again is loving yourself first because in the great words of RuPaul Charles “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?!”. Write down a list of activities or feelings you want to experience with a partner and then do them for yourself. For example; morning coffee dates at a local cafe, pasta at that new Italian restaurant that opened up, a spa day at your favorite hotel, or a weekend trip to a cozy small town. You do not need to be in a relationship to experience life, stop waiting for your ex to come back and take yourself on the date instead
Keep reading for a bonus sixth step below!
Things not to do after a breakup
- Shame and blame: The relationship ended for a reason, you can and should take accountability for your part in its ending but you don’t need to feel shame or continuously blame yourself. Process the emotions and then let them go, we don’t want to hear any “I should have…” or “It’s my fault that…”.
- Trigger yourself: No doom scrolling through your ex’s profile or watching that movie from your first date! It’s tempting to creep and see if they’ve moved on yet but any information you find (even if it’s them crying at home) is going to make you feel bad.
- Go on a bender: Alcohol will only increase your anxiety, you need to move through your emotions and not numb them. Make a list of healthier coping mechanisms that you can reach for instead like going for a walk outside, binge-watching a Netflix series, or contacting a therapist.
- Rebound: You need to give yourself space to process, grieve the relationship and begin to heal before looking for a new partner. This includes sexting, online dating, and even flirting! do not seek any external validation. Rebounding will only provide temporary happiness and isn’t fair to yourself or the person you’re rebounding with. You are stronger than you think you are and are fully capable of being single and experiencing singleness in a positive and fulfilling way.
So, How long to get over a breakup?
Truthfully, the length of time it’ll take you to get over a breakup is directly linked to whether or not you are willing to allow yourself to do it 🤯. READ THAT AGAIN. You need to first decide that you’re committed to letting go and feeling good and THEN follow the steps in this post in alignment with that goal. If you are holding on to the idea that the relationship will work out in the back of your mind then you are not ready, if that’s the case you should repeat steps one and two of the process for an additional 30 days.
Signs that show you’re moving on!
- You’re no longer having thoughts about what could have been.
- You’re starting to feel excited about your future again (as an individual).
- You’re setting new goals for yourself.
Bonus Step # Six: Prepare to call in something new
Maybe the 30 days have passed, or maybe it’s been a couple of months, and you are starting to feel hopeful and ready for a new relationship.
Make a list of what you’re looking for in your next partner or relationship. This list should encompass personal qualities like caring, funny, and ambitious as well as activities you’d like to do together. Spend the next four weeks emulating these qualities for yourself and the people around you! be the caring friend, crack jokes at the office, and work on that vision board. You want to mirror exactly what you’re looking for in a partner, doing this puts out the energy that you’re looking to attract back to yourself.
Once a week for the next four weeks you should review this list, continue adding to it and explore what it might feel like when this relationship you’ve written on paper becomes real. Sit and meditate on this feeling, let the feeling get so big it moves you to tears, and when you reach that point say “thank you universe for healing me and opening me up to receiving love”.
Stay committed to this practice for a couple of months and you will be amazed by the love that surrounds you!
This post was about how to get over a breakup fast!
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