A Friendship Breakup is equally (or dare I say?) more painful than a romantic breakup. They can be confusing, and hurtful and leave you feeling a different type of loneliness.
Don’t worry, we got you! This post is all about How to Get Over a Friendship Breakup.
A friendship breakup can be extra painful because society doesn’t often view friendship love as being as meaningful as romantic love. This means we don’t always have the language to describe the emotions we are feeling around it. We’re not taught to fight for friendship in the same way we’re taught to fight for romantic partnerships. A friendship may inherently feel replaceable because we’re told that friendships “come and go”.
Many of us trust our friends on a deep level, they’re our confidants for everything from work to family issues. When we go through romantic breakups our friends are there for us, in times of grief, joy, achievements, or loss our friends are there for us. Losing a friend feels like losing an entire support system.
Ultimately, when a friendship ends, we can feel just as heartbroken and confused as in a romantic breakup. Only we feel like we’re not allowed to talk about it in the same way.
What Causes a Friendship Breakup?
There are many reasons that a friendship may come to an end, each unique to that specific friendship. Maybe your friendship is ending because of an argument or betrayal, that feels too big to move on from. You may also have a hard time communicating with one another, and some friends may even ghost you rather than have a tough conversation.
One of the biggest reasons a friendship ends is from being in different stages of life. Shared values are one of the most important parts of friendship. Values not only give you something to bond over, but they serve as an inherent part of our moral compass. What you valued when you first started your friendship may not be what you value now, and an inability to evolve together could end your friendship.
Like any relationship, your compatibility could fade. Your personalities, general interests, and ways of handling situations may no longer fit into each other’s lives. You may also find yourself in a one-sided friendship, one where you’re giving more emotionally than you are receiving.
Sometimes friendships end for a more practical reason like moving, and a long-distance friendship may be too difficult to maintain.
How to Get Over a Friendship Breakup
1. Seek Resolution
Where possible, seeking a resolution will bring you peace. Your friendship existed for a reason and you should try to leave it in a respectful place. If you cannot come to a shared resolution you can always reconcile with yourself. Forgiveness is for you, it’s so you don’t have to walk around feeling the weight of anger or resentment. If you can’t come to a place of resolution or forgiveness with each other you can give it to yourself and know that you tried your best.
2. Take Responsibility for your Part
As Gabby Bernstein says, you need to “clean up your side of the street”. There were two people in your friendship, and you’re both responsible for its ending. Acknowledge the part you had to play and take accountability. Accountability looks like being honest about emotions and making a genuine apology acknowledging how you contributed to the friendship ending.
3. Lean on Your Family and Other Friends
Now is the time to call in reinforcements! Your other friends or family are there to support you during hard times. Be honest about what you’re experiencing and lean on the other loved ones you have in your life. Our inner circle has a way of boosting our self-esteem and communicating what we need to hear. Surround yourself with love and support just as you would if you were experiencing a romantic breakup.
4. Allow Yourself to Feel the Emotions and Grief
One of the hardest parts of experiencing loss is allowing yourself to feel emotions. It’s easier to push them down and pretend like everything is okay. Especially when we’re conditioned to believe that friendships are disposable and not worth fighting for. If you’re feeling heartbroken or angry it’s okay, allow yourself to feel the emotions and move through the stages of grief. Without this, you won’t be able to process the loss and move on.
5. Seek Therapy
If you’re able to access therapy or mental health resources take advantage of that. A mental health professional is an incredible means of support who can properly guide you through the grief process. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help when it’s needed.
6. Journal
Journalling is an incredible form of release. A great journalling technique is to brain-dump everything you’re thinking and feeling onto the page. If you’re someone who struggles with journalling you can also try using a guided journal or finding prompts online. A journal is an accessible means of processing your emotions.
7. Know Your Self Worth
Going through a breakup, even a friendship one, can be a hit to your self-esteem. It’s important to recognize that you are worthy of love and friendship. Try writing down a list of qualities you enjoy about yourself or reciting affirmations in the mirror. Reconnecting with yourself and practicing self-love will help to boost your self-esteem.
Questions to Ask Before Ending a Friendship
Maybe you’re the one who’s considering ending the friendship? It’s a very big decision that you don’t want to take lightly. Take some time to reflect on the relationship and journal on the following questions.
- How has this friendship served me?
- In what ways is this friendship no longer serving me?
- Have I communicated my feelings? how were they received?
- What is their communication style? and what is my communication style?
- Do we share the same values system?
- How do I feel after interacting with this friend?
- How would my life change if we ended the friendship? how do I feel when I envision this change?
- What am I looking for in a friend?
- Do I feel like I’m giving more than I’m receiving in this friendship?
- When was the last time I felt valued in this friendship?
Losing a friendship is never easy, regardless of whose decision it was to end it. Hopefully, after reading this post you feel more equipped for handling your loss.
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