Making friends in your 30s is a little awkward! Do you send someone a dm asking to go for coffee? do you follow up after a hang-out to say you had fun? What are the rules?! There is so much information out there when it comes to romantic dating, but we don’t often chat about dating in platonic relationships. If you’re looking for ideas on how to make friends in your 30s then look no further…
This post is all about 5 Ideas For How to Make Friends in Your 30s
In grade school and high school, it’s a bit easier to make friends because you’re all in the same routine, and in the same place together every day. Some of us make friendships that last a lifetime while others may move away for college or have other life events that pull us in different directions. When we’re in our twenties we tend to have a lot more free time. We’re working entry-level jobs in potentially retail or hospitality where we have strong work friendships. We spend a lot of our free time partying or doing group activities that bring us close to people.
Then our thirties happen. We start to form our careers, we build families, we change our values, and we move across the country. Our friendships start to go through major shifts and some of us may be left questioning if any of our previous connections were real. It’s a really challenging time for a lot of us, especially women.
When I entered my thirties I was going through major life transitions. I wanted to prioritize my mental health and well-being, so I stopped binge drinking or participating in nightlife culture. I shifted my career and got into a serious relationship where marriage was on the table and a global pandemic happened. My values system shifted, my schedule shifted, my priorities shifted and I found myself questioning all of my relationships.
Now I make a conscious effort to invest in friendships that feel fulfilling while also putting myself out there in situations to make new friends. I’ve learned that in my 30s it’s all about quality versus quantity, and making friendships based on shared values rather than just shared interests. That’s why I wanted to create this blog post!
How to Make Friends in Your 30s
1. Get Clear on What You’re Looking For
Get in babe, we’re setting our intentions! Intention setting is so important when it comes to any goal. Our intention helps us have a clear vision of what we’re looking for and ultimately shapes the path we take to get there. What is your intention when it comes to looking for new friendships? and what kind of friend are you looking for? Maybe you’re looking for someone who wants to meet for coffee once a week or a friend who likes to catch up over the phone. Get crystal clear about the type of person you want to be friends with and what you’re hoping to receive from that relationship. You can do this by drafting a list that states the qualities you’re looking for in a friend as well as the expectations you have for the friendship.
2. Be Open to the Idea of New Friends
This might sound weird, but you actually have to be open to the idea of new friends to make them. Sometimes we may think we want a certain goal but we haven’t done the work needed to allow them to come to fruition. Making new friends comes with a lot of change and change can be unsettling. You could be subconsciously sabotaging any possibility of new friends because you’re secretly not ready to make the shifts needed to accommodate them. Maybe you’re really settled in a specific routine, and even though you are craving friendship, a new friendship would mean making time in your routine to connect with them.
You have your intention and the list of qualities you are looking for in a friendship, so let’s take it a step further. When you look at your list, what are the hesitations, fears, and doubts that come up when you look at this list? These thoughts or inner belief systems could be the blocks that are holding you back from creating a new friendship. Knowing what these blocks are will allow you to make a plan to clear them and create space for these new friendships.
3. Go on Friend Dates
Treat friendship like you would a romantic relationship, you need to get out there and explore your options. If there’s someone you’ve been having a little bestie crush on why not send them a message asking to go for coffee? You can also try using an app like Bumble to make new friends. Bumble BFF allows you to make a “dating” profile to find new friendships. It’s a great way to put yourself out there and set up a few potential friend dates.
Once you feel like you’ve made a connection, be sure to invest! When we were kids our parents planned play dates for us and we were able to build stronger connections with our friends. As adults, we need to plan our own play dates! Mark a date in your calendar for you to have a monthly play date with your bestie. Intentional meet-ups and activities will help you foster that deeper connection. Friendship dating, like any dating, can be a little awkward. If you’re nervous about what to say try planning a few questions ahead of time that you can ask on your date. Intentional questions are a great way to get to know someone! Read until the end for a list of questions you can ask on your friend date.
4. Join Groups or Clubs
This might be a little cliche but joining a class, group or club is an excellent way to meet new friends. As an adult, our schedules can become overwhelming or demanding and sometimes the only way to meet new people is to be intentional with our calendars and activities. Maybe you’re interested in pottery and want to take a class or join a local gym in your area, perhaps you’re really good at dodgeball and could join a local league. Putting yourself out there and joining a class, team or club will not only get you active but it’ll be great for your social interactions. You may even discover a new passion in the process!
5. Attend Events that Align with your Values
Making friends as an adult is all about finding people who align with your values, rather than forming friendships on shared interests. Here’s the difference; if you’re friends with someone because you both enjoy Friday night karaoke bars or spending time at the mall, your friendship may not last if and when those things end. If you’re friends with someone because you both value independence, family, and personal growth then there’s a stronger chance of your friendship growing.
As we get older our interests and priorities change and we start looking around us for friends that share our values. We’re looking for friends that can be flexible with our new schedules, who are reliable, and who insert any other values system you currently hold. Of course, shared interests are also important but our interests and hobbies tend to directly reflect our values. If you value your well-being and family time you’re probably no longer doing $5 shots of Jameson on a Saturday night and skipping out on family brunch the next day.
Adult Friendship Resources
Big Friendship How We Keep Each Other Close by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman: This is a fantastic book about friendship and what it takes to make a long-term (and long-distance) friendship last.
Shaping the Narrative Podcast – Big Friendship episode: I actually deep-dived into a conversation about the book and the topic of friendship on this podcast with my friend Ashley.
21 Questions to Ask a New Friend
- What’s your zodiac sign? and do you believe in astrology?
- Are you a morning or a night person?
- What do you like to do in your free time?
- What are the most important qualities you look for in a friendship?
- What type of time commitment do you have to your relationships?
- Have you ever felt let down in a friendship?
- Would you say you’re more of an introvert or an extrovert?
- Do you have any siblings?
- How close are you with your family?
- What do you like to do on the weekends?
- What’s the most essential part of your daily routine?
- Do you listen to any podcasts? what is your favorite?
- Are you more of a movie or tv show person?
- What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?
- Where do you lean politically?
- Is there a social justice cause that’s really important to you?
- What type of support do you need from your friends?
- If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would you do?
- What is your dream travel destination?
- If you could have a superpower what would it be?
- What’s one word your friends and family would use to describe you?
This post was all about 5 Ideas For How to Make Friends in Your 30s
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